I’ll start with this simple truth - Kids need their parents.
Parenting is complicated. I feel like all I hear from schools, youth sports programs, and experts in raising kids is to let kids fail. Don’t be a helicopter. Don’t get involved. Kids need to advocate for themselves. Kids will learn from failure. The most important life lessons for kids are when they are allowed to make those missteps. For me, this goes against every single instinct in my mind, heart and soul. I want to protect. I want to help. This letting go thing is hard - especially because it doesn’t always feel like the right thing to do.
But maybe it isn’t always the right thing to do.
Maybe there is a space in the middle. I might just need to reframe my role.
I have been listening to some amazing minds talk about WHO successful leaders and amazing professionals surround themselves with. They speak of a personal board of directors. They reference their challenge network. They talk about surrounding themselves with people who can offer insights, experience, and skills that can help them grow and become better. They talk about the crucial role of coaches and mentors.
So, if the Fortune 500 CEO needs this support system, what should we do for our kids?
Kids should definitely make decisions. They should be able to take risks. They will build resilience, experience, and confidence. But, kids should also have their “network”. They should be surrounded by a support system. They should have a Board of Directors that they can lean on. Teachers, Coaches, Friends, Siblings, and even Parents (I know!!! I am shocked too) make up this Board. This group of trusted individuals will help to guide, support and challenge them. Sometimes the Board may need to make some executive decisions, other times they may simply provide some input and allow the bird to fly where it will. But the key is that they exist with the best of intentions to make positive contributions to the life of the young person. This Board is not for hangers on or for shallow relationships. This Board is always working to fill the young person’s cup and never be an energy vampire.
Here are two examples that I absolutely love and give me hope that maybe I can find my sweet spot as a parent and truly understand my role on my kids' Board of Directors.
Everyone has heard of Duke’s Mike Krzyzewski. Before he became Coach K, he was just Mike growing up in the inner city of Chicago to first generation Polish parents. He was all-state high school basketball player with an eye on college. His preference was to attend a school like Creighton or Wisconsin so when legendary coach Bob Knight visited his home to recruit him to West Point, he was quick to say no. Army was not for him. His parents were quick to remind him “Presidents go there.” He still told Coach Knight that he would not be attending West Point. His parents continued the chatter for a couple weeks. Kitchen conversations in Polish within his earshot would mention “Mike” and making “stupid” choices. Eventually, he caved in and committed to attend West Point and the rest is history. He calls is the BEST DECISION HE NEVER MADE. He found the courage to trust his parents and they had the courage to give the advice. Coach K says that if his parents didn’t step up, there is no way he would be where he is today. He leaned in to his Board of Directors when it mattered the most.
Brook Cupps, less of a household name, is another great basketball coach at the HS & AAU Level. Brook coached his son and his Centerville HS team to the Ohio state championship in 2021. Brook also is known in the basketball circles for having coached his son, along with Bronny James (LeBron James’ son), on the AAU circuit. LeBron has also been extremely supportive of Brook’s son Gabe. Brook is often asked about his experience with LeBron and his answer is simple. “LeBron treated each of those kids, including my son, like he was trying to make them the best they could become. He was very aware of his stature and 'influence' with the players. LeBron knows the weight of his words so when he tells a young man he is the best shooter in his class, that lights them up.”
He summed up his experience with LeBron in a single nugget of parenting wisdom. “One of the most important things we can do as parents is to find people who will pour positively into our kids.” Teachers, coaches, trainers, instructors - we have a responsibility as parents to influence who is on that Board of Directors and make sure it is a group of Energy Givers.
What does your Board of Directors look like?
Who would your young athlete say is on their Board of Directors?
In order to maximize the power of the Board of Directors have the TRUST to listen, the COURAGE to speak up, and the INSTINCT to seek out those that pour positively into our lives and the lives of those we care about.
To dive deeper check out the links below.
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